I passed the hardest CPA Exam at First Attempt (with a broken heart)
December 4, 2018
On this day, I was scheduled to take my first ever attempt of passing 1 out of the 4 sections of the CPA board examination — Financial Accounting & Reporting (FAR) which is notorious for being the most comprehensive and hardest section to pass. With months of sacrifices and sporadic (cramming) review, there was no turning back from my dream of being a licensed CPA. This is it!
Just like with any other major tests, I went through a roller-coaster ride between my faith and emotions in the last few days before my exam. On that Sunday, December 2nd, our pastor preached on the foretelling of Jesus Christ’s birth in the first chapter of the Gospel of Luke. The one verse that stood out to me the most was the verse pertaining to Mary, Jesus’ mother, and her incredible faith.
And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.” - Luke 1:45
At that point, I felt that the Lord was speaking to me directly in relation to my upcoming board exam. Believe. With confidence I thought to myself, “Easy-peasy! All I need to do is believe that the Lord will fulfill my dream to be a CPA. What’s the worst that could happen?” I was so encouraged by the preaching of the Word and I asked my pastor and the prayer warriors from my church to pray over me. For the first time ever, I was anointed by oil and I never felt more confident and holier for taking an exam.
On Monday, the day before my exam, I started having an unsettling fear in my heart out of the blue. I was at home — alone and succumbed to fear. I was so distracted during my review and my brain was clogged with worry of not passing the exam. I faced myself in the mirror with tears streaming down my cheeks. “Lord, why am I so afraid? Why now?” I was crying my eye out when finally God convicted my heart. "Kim, you are not afraid to fail. You are just afraid to disappoint people.” Suddenly, my eyes were opened to see what was going on in my heart. I was scared to death about any possibility of failure because I set a bar too high for myself to maintain. I was afraid thinking that when I do fail, I will be completely disappointed with myself. Or worse, the people who supported me will be disappointed at me too. I just couldn’t bear the thought of it. Fear consumed me and slowly decayed the confidence inside me.
I tried to come to the bottom of this with the Lord and He revealed me more: All this time, I was trying to prove myself to certain people in my life (and those who no longer are in my life). I was trying so hard to be the best that I can be in order to receive affirmation and acceptance. Worse, I was trying to make a point to the people who left me hanging in the midst of this journey that I am capable and that I don’t need them. I was determined to make them feel a sense of regret for losing me and not standing by me when I needed them most. Little did I know, this FAR exam was not only a physical and mental challenge, it was also a test of my emotional strength. I was going through a very tough break up at the time and the Lord only knows how I got through it amidst everything that I was facing.
“Lord, I don’t understand why I’m trying so hard when honestly, I just want to be Your child.”
I prayed. And I prayed over myself for God to take away the fear, burden, pride, and wrong intentions in my heart. “I want to be free,” I pleaded with God. I wanted to be free from people’s approval and actually start living my life to give Jesus the glory and praise alone. At the end of the day, I am always His and my identity lies secured in Him regardless if I pass or fail the exam.
On the day of the exam, I felt all of the prayers offered for me and was filled with peace and clarity during the entire time. I finished the 4 hour-long strenuous exam without a mental block … and a mental breakdown. Although I came out of the testing center thinking that I totally failed the exam (like every CPA candidate does, literally), I had joy and a smile on my face because it was finally over.
Two weeks came by fast and today, I found out about the result . . .
“I passed FAR! Praise the Lord, Most High! ”
“Believe before you see the promise of God coming to pass so when you finally see it, it will no longer be a surprise but a confirmation.” - Pastor Rene Trejo
I passed FAR with a score of 76. I was only one point away from the passing grade of 75. My heart dropped and I was in complete shock when I saw my score. “I know it was You, God!” Modesty aside, I can proudly say that the 75 points came from God’s faithfulness to fulfill His promises to me and the other 1 point was my mustard-seed faith.
I still have 3 more exams to go but I am confident that we will do it again, together. I also know that I got so much to work on regarding my faith. But time and again, the Lord had come to break loose my fear and unbelief by showing me how good of a Father He is and what my little faith can do. God has never failed me, just like how He was described in Matthew 7:9, “which of one of you, if his son asks for bread will give him a stone?” God knows that I want to be a CPA and He saw how hard I work to get to where I am right now. So why would He not help me through the process? Through out my life, He has gladly showered blessings upon blessings and one victory after another, generously without failing. Slowly and steadily, He’s fulfilling one dream at a time and all the while patiently teaching and molding me into the person that He wants me to be. With none of these I solely deserve, I stand in awe of Him who loves me despite me — never ever giving up on me.
“No unbelief made him (Abraham) waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew STRONG IN HIS FAITH as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what He had promised.”
Prayer:
My most Gracious Father, my soul and whole being give You praise for the wonderful things that You have done for me. Thank You for Your faithfulness and goodness despite my unbelief and little faith. I know that nothing is impossible and hard with You. I want to believe in Your promises with my whole heart, without shrinking back into fear. Would You please increase my faith and strengthen my confidence in Your love. As I delight myself in You, would you continue to grant the desires of my heart before my very eyes and may I see the goodness of the Lord for the days of my life. Lord God, I surrender my will, my desires, my plans, my pride, and my successes to You. You alone deserve the glory and honor in my life. Help me to continue to glorify You in everything that I do. And may I offer this life as a pleasing sacrifice before Your holy throne. I love You, Jesus! In Your holy and mighty Name, I pray. Amen!